WHY I DON’T LISTEN TO FRENCH MUSIC

Okay. I think it’s time I explained my “NO FRENCHIES” rule that I’ve mentioned a couple times already here on Dead Kids. Before I go any further, I should explain that this has NOTHING to do with music from Quebec, which constantly pumps out fantastic music.

I listen to a LOT of music. Over the years, I started noticing that whenever I checked out a song on a label from France, I thought it was terrible. I started noticing this more and more and eventually just stopped checking out anything that was on a french label. I now have a full on prejudice against music from France but it has nothing to do with any kind of politics or ethnic stereotyping. So why is it that I find France’s music repulsive? let’s get to the bottom of this…

EXHIBIT A: BOT’OX

These guys are a French Electro Pop duo that are just so typical. look at them. They just look like giant douche-bags and you can almost always judge a book by its cover.

Speaking of douchey, check out their official BIO:

“Metal sheet and iron crashing, broken glass and smoking rubber. Freewheeling, lost in Indiana on Road 66, the illegitimate couple, hit by the Grace of … (more) God, is slowly giving up the ghost.

Who are they? James Dean and Lady Di? Eddie Cochran and Grace Kelly? Futuristic anonymity «de rigueur», the puzzle would have to be put together again, the dislocated members re-assembled: the blond locks, the supporting brains, the tattooed fore arms, the fishnet stockings on a pair of thighs and the red lipstick one hundred percent real blood-red.

At the scrap yard, the remains of the wreck. At the elephant cemetery, the barrels ripped open. In the abandoned garages of the world’s suburbia, the only thing left is the funny smell of burnt tires, fried cigar liters, and stripped steel factories. Luxury, calm and pleasure, the grass is proudly growing between the metallic ruins.

The only ghastly certainty: before the final crash, on the black box, it says the car radio sound system was vibrating to the sound of Bot’Ox.

Bot’Ox, or Julien Briffaz and Benjamin Boguet, the half of Tekel and the whole of Cosmo Vitelli.

A Parisian encounter in a dark recording studio near République, under the mark of Saint Ambroise, or in the middle of machines, synthesizers, effects emulators, where a pioneer bond was born. Hours of rush, borrowing here and there the roughest sounds for a tangible and sensorial experience, starting with abstract to cut, prune, saw, cut and cut, again and always, to find lucid melodies and blistering rhythms.

At the finish line, already six Maxi singles, on four essential labels (DFA, I’m a Cliché, DC Recordings, Marketing) to play at home, in clubs, or of course, in your car.

Keep rolling blissful driver, have fun on the autobahn, make your Cadillac roar in Vegas: speakers on full mode, hair in the wind, careless and alive…

It will make the crash only better, and Bot’Ox will sing to your glory.”

Holy fuck! Blah blah BLAH! They just spent 9 paragraphs saying NOTHING!

Their music is much like their writing. It sounds like every other French Electro Pop act. Crunchy repetitive noisy 8-bit hooks and dreamy subconscious lyrics either about glamour, sex, drugs or (most often) absolutely nothing. Above all that, IT”S FUKING BORING. This music is only good for snorting blow, sipping over-priced cocktails and chatting with someone you don’t know about how great you are. This must be a national pass-time in France.

Bullshit French Electro (download)

One of these tracks is not the end of the world on its own, but as a scene it’s just all the same shit. I suppose if you’re in to it that’s fine, but this stuff just doesn’t sound good to me, and there’s so much of it. I think that the lack of creativity in this music comes from an attitude of superiority. If you think what you’re doing is the BEST, why would you do anything to ever change it. Just keep working with the exact same formula  because if it aint broke, don’t fix it. Right?

In conclusion, ofcourse there are exceptions to this rule. I’ve already posted a couple on this blog, ELOCNEP and BEATAUCUE. There will be more in the future. But I’ve spent enough time being dissapointed by music from France and don’t want to spend any more.

I’m sure there are those of you that dissagree with me and I’d love to read from you. Fire away!